Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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