You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
