If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
