even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Randomize
