I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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