New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize