John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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