I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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