Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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