there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
