get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
