fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
