it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
