new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
