Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize