One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
