I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
