either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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