dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
