Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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