Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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