I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
