This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
