my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize