last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
