Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
