I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
