I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
