do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
