Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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