i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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