Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
