I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
