It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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