Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
