i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
