My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
