I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Someone shit on the floor
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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