I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
