im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
