Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
send nudes
from the living room?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
