Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
