Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We talked him into tasing himself.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
