the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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