Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
