Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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