I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize