I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
