Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
