If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
