i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
