happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
