So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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