Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
