i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
