It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
