kristin has been a bad kristin
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
