Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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