Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
