there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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