Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
