Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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