I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He kissed a someone with a penis
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
