I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize