I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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