i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
