the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
as a side note pls kill me
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
