Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
This is my gift to your gina
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
