I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
