Kiss
Puke
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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