The maid of honor just puked.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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