Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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