I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
