K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
