why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
