you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Sorry about my life...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
