Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
that's an acceptable place to lick
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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